I have three children. Each of them different. Like members of The Breakfast Club. I have, my daughter, The Princess. My oldest son is a combo of Basket Case & Nerd. My youngest son is The Jock. Guess which one is having friend issues? Not the nerd & not my daughter. The Jock is having problems. The hardest part? Being a witness and no ability to help. I don’t want to fix things for him for two reasons: I’m an aide in his school & I don’t want him getting picked on further because “mommy helped”. I always thought if any of my kids would have these issues that it would be my daughter. After all, girls are catty. We’ve all heard that. I saw it myself growing up. Girls getting jealous of other girls. Spreading rumors, making fun of another girl. My oldest son (the nerd) doesn’t have many friends. He’s very quiet. He has one good friend and he’s been happy with that. Even though his friend doesn’t have many friends either, I had in my head that I wanted my other kids to have a few friends. My daughter has a few friends and one is her best friend. The girls in her class are very sweet and friendly with each other. My youngest son, The Jock, is involved in many sports. Football in the fall, basketball in the winter, baseball in the spring. I figured this would surely make for many friends. And it has. To the point where, after school, kids would often yell to him their goodbyes & “see you tomorrows”. However, one boy wasn’t having it. He set out to make my son an outcast & succeeded. He started out with telling the other boys that my son wasn’t good at football. It’s not a lie. My son is no Peyton Manning or Russell Wilson, but he tries and he needs to be active and disciplined. When that didn’t work, he told my son that he’d be his friend only if he did a bad stunt. My son did and he got detention. Many friends dropped off, but a handful stuck around. That was one too many for this kid. When he saw the basic school stuff wasn’t getting him anywhere, he looked elsewhere, namely me & my husband. He asked my son who we voted for in the recent presidential election. When my son told him that we voted for Clinton, it was all this kid needed in a town that was full of Trump voters. Every day my kid was faced with the taunts and I just had to stand by and watch. My usually happy go lucky boy is now filled with anger & I’m already dreading the new school year. I never want to hear any man say that girls are gossipy or catty.
I wish I hadn’t volunteered
I’m the type of person that wants to do good things. I always try to be helpful, whether it’s to strangers in a store or my friends & family. Naturally, when my oldest started kindergarten I wanted to do good things for his school and his classmates. I met a mom and through her, I joined the PTA. I attended meetings, became class mom, and volunteered in committees. I met lots of moms, which was great for me, since I’d become a sort of recluse after my oldest son was born. My cousin, who has a daughter the same age as my oldest, went a different route: she volunteered for nothing.
“How could she?”, I pondered. “Doesn’t she care about her child?”
Two years ago, the opportunity was presented to me to be a member of the PTA executive board. I thought it would be a great opportunity to do great things for the kids and the teachers. At first, it seemed innocent enough. Then, as with any group of hormonal women, drama ensued. My closest mom friend decided to bow out. Me, like the fighter I am I decided to stay on and tough it out.
“I am not a quitter! I am going to make a difference!”
So, I stayed. This time in my friend’s vacant position, which required more responsibility. I followed the rules, even had others check my work for me. Maybe I made one little mistake. I’m only human and it wasn’t the end of the world.
This was also the year that my two youngest were starting kindergarten.
“An opportunity for them to make friends.”
News travels fast. Even for a bunch of kindergarten moms that just met each other. Turns out, they heard about the mom of the twins who wasn’t very nice. It’s tough to see your children’s classmates enjoying birthday parties that you did not get invites for.
This is a new school year and my term on the board is over. I have my kids involved in many activities: football, cheer, dance, bowling, Sunday school, as well as daily drop- offs and pick-ups at school. It is very hard for me to be what I once was. I want to help when I hear someone in need, but then I remember where it got me. Where it got my kids. Stories of me helping won’t be told. Stories about what people “heard” I did? Yeah, that will get around. Therefore, I have decided to go back into my shell and hope that, in time, people will forget what they heard about me and maybe talk to me or let their children play with mine.
By the way, my cousin, the one that doesn’t volunteer, her daughter has lots of friends and my cousin does too. Guess she cared about her child after all.
Nice girls finish last
There are many people who don’t like me right now. Family, people in my community, all for the same reason: I told someone that I didn’t agree with how they were treating someone else. You’ve already read in a previous post about the family issue. While that was 2 years ago, I’m still very upset over it, for obvious reasons.
The community issue? Well, I am on a board of parents in our school district (I’m sure you can think of the 3 letters that make up our organization). One of the moms said many horrible things about many moms. She also went a little emotionally overboard a couple of times over things she shouldn’t have. I’m a person who happens to like everyone. I try to be nice to everyone, regardless. But, when someone has no regard for the feelings or reputations of others, I just think it’s plain wrong. She said things about these people, if they heard what she said, they would be embarrassed. I’ve been trying to stay away from her. Only talking to her when absolutely necessary. She has made several mistakes that have been made public and some even know she is two-faced.
So, what do you think happens? People are still talking to her! And, guess what, they are throwing me shade. Yes, I’m using that slang. What could they be mad at? Did they hear that I defended one of them against her slander? Did she tell them how I always tried to do the right thing? I didn’t think that would be cause for hatred.
It’s making me feel very uncomfortable and I feel like I’m doubting who I am. Maybe I’ve been wrong. Maybe the way to get along with everyone is to make fun of them and their children. After all, if they find out, I’ll be welcomed with open arms to the next Girls Night Out. This trying to accept everyone and being polite and shit hasn’t really been getting me anywhere. Nobody wants someone that’s going to be kind and actually mean it for a friend. And that good daughter-in-law act I’ve been putting on for the past 12 years isn’t doing me any justice either. Not while my sister-in-law is telling our husbands’ parents what she wants them to leave her when they kick the bucket. To think, all this time I’ve been the “good girl”. I’m going to have to put her out to pasture 😉
My take on the “How I Met Your Mother” Series Finale
As sad as I was to see How I Met Your Mother go, all good things must come to an end. While you will never please everyone, I was happy with the finale.
***spoilers ahead!!!***
Is there anything I would have liked to have seen in the finale that wasn’t there? Yes, there are some things:
-What was the name/gender of Marshall & Lily’s third child?
-What did Lily wind up doing after they came back from Italy? Did they wind up going to Italy at all?
-Did Barney wind up with #31? Was he actively involved in his daughter’s life?
-I would’ve loved to have seen more of the Mother, Ted, and their kids.
-I wish the finale would have been 2 hours long.
As for the Mother (Tracy) dying, this is reality. Unfortunately, people get sick and wind up leaving this world too soon. As a mom who has been sick and thought about things like, “what happens if I die? How will my husband and children go on?”, I found myself comfortable with this ending. Ted’s kids know Aunt Robin. They now know the story of how their dad loved Robin, let her go when she married Barney, and met and fell in love with their mom. They want their dad to be happy and I’m sure their mom didn’t want just anyone to be a stepmother to her kids after she died. Ted & Robin can be together now and not worry about him wanting kids or her not wanting kids and traveling. Everyone gets what they wanted, even if it’s not what we the viewers want.
Just another Kristin
I’ll get back to more about my in-laws in an upcoming blog, but right now, I’m going through something else. Similar to my sister-in-law issue, but not family.
Growing up, I was an average girl. I had friends and I had bullies. Looking back on it, things could’ve been a lot worse. I had a friend Kristin in high school. It was through this friend that I met my husband, Steve. When we started dating, at the ripe age of 18, Kristin (even though she set us up) was hellbent on having Steve’s friends against our relationship. Steve gave his friends up for me. Something that I still harbor guilt over considering that he has no real buddies to hang out with. Right around the time Steve and I got married (after 8 years of dating), Kristin got in contact with me. She apologized for what she had done to me years earlier. She had been living a tough life as a single mom, but turned her life around with a new man. We made amends and started hanging out again. I was in her wedding party, I grew attached to her daughter, then when Steve and I had our first son, Aiden, we chose Kristin & her new husband to be his godparents. In turn, when they had their son, they chose us as his. When Aiden turned 2 years old, I was treated for thyroid cancer. I found it odd that Kristin was suddenly nowhere to be found. I was very depressed over my condition, but she was not there for me. Thank God for my husband and parents! Months were going by, and she became cold. One day, I got an email from her. As I read it, I began to realize it wasn’t meant for my eyes. She wrote it to her mom. She used words like “son of satan” to describe Aiden and said Steve was a jerk and “how dare they go to Disney! That’s my place!” Crazy, right? I confronted her and our friendship ended a second time. This time, for good.
It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Not as bad as the time with one of my coworkers (that’s a story for another day). The worst part of that friendship break-up is when I look at old photos or videos or when Aiden asks who his godparents are. She’s just erased from my life.
So, fast forward to now. I am part of a school organization. I like about 99 percent of the moms around here. My child has never been bullied. I like everyone. There is a mom on the organization with me, who I have grown friendly with and my kids adore her child. This woman has been showing her true colors since August when we all started prepping for the school year. She has really gone off her rocker in the past week. Kind of a yell first ask questions later person. As a result, another friend that is on the board with us, cannot take anymore of her bull shit and resigned. Since I cannot deal either, I have also considered resigning.
I went into Aiden’s first year of kindergarten saying that I would never make friends with another woman again. I wound up making more than I’ve ever had before. Don’t get me wrong, I was hesitant. Steve told me to hold my head high and remember that “not everyone is Kristin”. Today, I reminded him of what he told me. He said while not everyone is Kristin, there will always be a “Kristin” to watch out for.
What I want to know is, how come some women can’t act like responsible, friendly adults? Do they have to be catty like they were in high school? Aren’t they afraid that their kids will pick up the same bad habits? I just don’t understand it. You have nothing to gain by being rude to other moms. Can’t we all be friendly and help each other out?
Bizarro World
Have you ever been in a situation where you know you did the right thing and someone else did the wrong thing, yet somehow you are being blamed? I find myself in those predict aments a lot. More than I care to think about. The one that really took the icing on the cake occurred two years ago. I have a sister-in-law (my brother-in-law’s wife) who really likes to talk. I mean, non- stop won’t shut up to catch her breath talk. She also has a nasty habit of getting drunk at her kids birthday parties. When she gets drunk, it’s a box full of chocolates. In other words, you never know who you are going to get. She might be over sexed, or goofy. She could be insulting or violent. On this night (my younger nephew’s party) she was all of the above. I don’t know why my husband and I decided to stick around after everyone else left. It was getting late and it was past our kids (ages 7 & 3) bedtime. I was watching our kids in the living room while my husband, his brother, and SIL were outside. Next thing I know, my husband is screaming his lungs out. SIL was drunk and proceeded to tell my husband that we were horrible parents. We were ignoring the fact that our oldest was autistic (he is not. We took him to several doctors and they all said his problem was anxiety. We also have paper proof of this). Her other issue: my husband had just started a new job and, for whatever reason, my father-in-law thought it would be a wonderful idea to tell this woman what his new salary was going to be. I’ll bet it stung, because neither of them work (they have 3 kids), live in a huge house with a large mortgage/taxes. She felt the need to berate my husband because she “knew what she was talking about”. When my BIL tried to tell her to stop, she punched him. During this, the kids and I were observing through the window. I quickly got my kids and our belongings together. When they came in, we went out. My husband stayed inside the house where I heard screaming and items being thrown. I called the police. You see, my BIL is a gun enthusiast. I was afraid of something worse. I waited in the car with my kids for over and hour. All the while trying to calm their fears. Trying to calm my fears.
My husband finally came out and we made the hour-long drive home. We didn’t talk in front of the kids about what happened. Once they were in bed, he told me everything. The stuff I knew about: her opinion of us being bad parents, our oldest being autistic, jealousy over his earnings. Then, he told me the things I didn’t see: BIL & SIL trying to strangle each other, SIL rocking back and forth in a fetal position and her non-sensical ramblings, and how she begged my husband to fuck her. All while her two sons watched. My husband & I were disgusted. We wondered what we had done to deserve this treatment. What did our three children do to deserve this treatment? SIL called to apologize the next day and also sent a Facebook message. Then, she decided to post one of those oh so regal quotes on her Facebook wall: “People call me a bitch, but it’s because I speak the truth.”
Does that sound like someone who was sorry for what she did? She also told my father-in-law that she wasn’t sorry and stands by every word she said.
Now that you’ve heard this story, who do you think is the one getting blamed?
My husband!
Why you might ask? Because he is not forgiving and forgetting.
It’s almost like we’ve crossed into a parallel universe where night is day and so forth.
This type of thing happens a lot to me, though. If my husband hadn’t told me his family was dysfunctional before I met him 20 years ago, I would’ve thought I brought bad luck into his life.
Coffee & Wine 